try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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