someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize