Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
