Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
