I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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