fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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