You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
