Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My penis needs a shock collar
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
