I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
soo... how was my night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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