Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
