why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
