I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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