Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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