the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
