I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
