Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
