you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
