i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
