Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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