There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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