Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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(646): View more from New York

Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

(1-646): View more from New York

what. the. fuck.

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(478): View more from Georgia

All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."

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(416): View more from Toronto

Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.

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