You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
