so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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