So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize