i need an iv and a liver transplant
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
