Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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