there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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