then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize