My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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