the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
