He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
