I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
