Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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