dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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