good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The best revenge is premature balding
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
