I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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