I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
