Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
