ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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