My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
