I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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