i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
