What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
