I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize