does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sobbing to NWA
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
