I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
