I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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