Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
