escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
