I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
