Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
