we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
