did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
