The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
