Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
