New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
