Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
