I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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