i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I could fuck to npr.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
