I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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