My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
