you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize