Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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