I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
